Tobia Ziklik

I'm Back ... Maybe

Shalom, y'all. It's been a long time. Thank you for continuing to visit my site despite a serious lapse in posts.

For the last month, I have been experiencing a new kind of hell. Home renovation, you ask? No, worse. We have no internet access!

At the end of each day, we retire to our room and reflect on the choices we made that led us down this path to internet-less-ness. To make matters worse, we have to do our reflecting in this room:

Since the rest of the house has been torn apart for renovation, we're limited to the corner bedroom, which has a window covered in paper, walls opened for upgraded outlets, and a huge hole where a new electrical box was put in. Part of the ceiling is also missing because of new wiring, and you can see the underside of the roof.

We eat, read and sleep here. Sometimes it gets really cold because of the wind blowing through the holes near the electrical box.

Every time I think I can't bear it a moment longer, I remind myself that as bad as living conditions seem now, they're leagues better than my housing situation during my last semester in college, when I lived in "the ghetto". Oh, the horror!

Crowds Panic as Flooding Threatens Ireland

We've all seen the faces of those ravaged by the floods. This "award-winning" photograph of the recent flood waters rising in Ireland captures the horror and suffering there.

Please keep these wonderful people in your thoughts and prayers.

Click here to see photo.

Credit: Sean

When Grandma Goes to Court

Lawyers should never ask a Tennessee grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a southern, small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of ya’ll idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send ya’ll both to the electric chair."

Credit: Sean

Public Signs

Friends don't let friends take home ugly men.

- women's restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE

Beauty is only a light switch away.

- Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, NC

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.

- Armand's Pizza, Washington, DC

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

- The Bayou, Baton Rouge, LA

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.

- Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, NC

At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.

- Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, AZ

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

- Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, AZ

Make love, not war. Hell, do both. GET MARRIED!

- Women's restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, MT

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.

- Revolution Books, New York, New York

If pro is the opposite of con,then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!

- Men's restroom, House of Representatives, Washington, DC

Express Lane: Five beers or less

- Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's, Phoenix, AZ

You're too good for him.

- Sign over mirror in women's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA

No wonder you always go home alone.

- Sign over mirror in men's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.

- Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, TX

Credit: Sean

Cruel and Unusual

As I've mentioned before, I hate it when people dress their animals in clothes or costumes. It seems cruel and unusual. These wigs take the cake.

The Ultimate Peep Show

Credit: Sean

Fascinating Food

A sliced carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye. And yes, science now shows that carrots greatly enhance blood flow to the eyes.	A tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart is red and has four chambers. All of the research shows tomatoes are indeed pure heart and blood food.
Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows that grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.	A walnut looks like a little brain with left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut look just like the neo-cortex. We now know that walnuts help develop over three dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.
Kidney beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like human kidneys.	Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the motility of male sperm and increases the number of sperm as well to overcome male sterility.
Eggplant, avocados and pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly 9 months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).	Celery, bok choy, rhubarb and more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.
Sweet potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.	Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries.
Grapefruits, oranges, and other citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.	Onions look like body cells. Today's research shows that onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes.

Credit: Lisa

Balloon Twisting Has Come a Long Way

Credit: Lisa