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Purse-ometer

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The last few months have been incredibly hectic for me and now I'm pooped. Drained. Wiped out. Exhausted. I would list more phrases denoting fatigue but I can't think of any others and I'm too lazy to open the online thesaurus to look for more.

My purse is an excellent indicator of my level of fatigue. When I'm happy and bursting with energy, my purse is trim and manageable. Presently, the chaos in my purse reflects the chaos in my life.

Long hours at the office, indecipherable legal documents to read, recommendation letters to write, our Greece/Turkey/Israel trip to plan, our house in Mendocino to build, Arnon's car accident ... quel nightmare! Plus, we haven't had a weekend to just bum at home in nearly four months.

And yet, I feel a change coming just around the corner. Starting Monday, I'm going to make a conscious effort to slow down and relax. But tonight, I'm off to Vegas to celebrate Wes' birthday.

Feng's Origami Towel Elephant

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Funnies

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Horrible Writing

Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays:

  • Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
  • His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
  • He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
  • She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
  • She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
  • Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
  • He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
  • The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
  • The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
  • McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
  • From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
  • Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
  • The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
  • Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
  • They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
  • He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
  • He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
  • Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
  • Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
  • The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
  • The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
  • John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
  • The ballerina raised gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
  • It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
  • He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
  • Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
  • She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
  • It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

Credit: Sean

Minimalist Furniture

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I love minimalist furniture, but even I find these pieces to be too extreme.

Motivational Posters

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Click here to see more motivational posters

Credit: Andrew

It's Tony's Birthday!

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Happy Birthday, Tony!

Happy Thanksgiving!

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It's Marc's Birthday!

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It's Hui's Birthday!

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Happy Birthday, Hui!

It Could Be Worse

If you're feeling less than stellar today, take a look at this picture Sean took of me last month, and you'll feel a lot better about yourself. You can't look more ghoulish than me.

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Credit: Sean

Jet-Setters for a Day

Last Saturday, Arnon and I flew down to Los Angeles to visit Point Vicente Lighthouse in Rancho Palos Verdes, number 17 on his lighthouse list. The coast guard allows the public to access the lighthouse for a few hours on the second Saturday of each month if it's not raining. The day before our flight, the weather report predicted 40% chance of rain so I was worried that our trip would be futile. Fortunately, the rain never bothered to show up in Los Angeles. In fact, it was uncomfortably warm there.

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After touring the lighthouse and taking a leisurely stroll along the coast, we had a nice sushi lunch at a local restaurant with a fantastic view of the water, then headed back to the airport to fly home.

As soon as we landed in San Jose, it started to rain.   :)

We would have liked to stay longer in Los Angeles but we had dinner plans with friends and tickets to see Beach Blanket Babylon in San Francisco.

Beach Blanket Babylon far exceeded my expectations. Everyone knows about the outrageous hats, but the singing is quite good and the whole show is simply hilarious.

People thought we were foolish and wasting money to fly to Los Angeles and then to San Francisco in one day, but it was fun to be jet-setters for a day.

JC Penney

Credit: Andrew

San Luis Obispo

A couple weekends ago, Arnon, Andy and I drove down to Pecho Coast in San Luis Obispo to see Port San Luis Lighthouse, the sixteenth on Arnon's list. The lighthouse was built in 1890 on land that has been privately owned and inaccessible to the public since the Spanish Mission period. Fortunately for Arnon, the Pecho Coast Trail was opened to the public in 1993 for docent-led hikes.

It's only an hour-long hike to the lighthouse and the view of the water is quite nice. Along the trail, we came across two mounds created by pack rats. I know people who hoard clutter are referred to as pack rats, but it had never occurred to me that there are actually rodents who hoard from which the name is derived. I'm happy to help people feng-shui their homes, but there's no way I would have gone up close to the rats' mounds to help them sort out their mess. Yick!

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Following the hike, we strolled across the pier to look at sea lions, and I was pressured to pick-up a creepy starfish. Another yick!

Since we were in San Luis Obispo anway, we stopped by the Mission. I was underwhelmed. I think Mission Santa Clara is much better, and not just because I went to school there.

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So Rude

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Recently, I attended a corporate meeting at the Marriott. I'm a bit claustrophobic, so I always try to grab an aisle seat, preferably by a door so I can make a quick escape should the need arise. Anyway, I was happily seated in an aisle seat when the meeting started.

A few minutes later, a woman comes to my row and starts waving her hand for everyone to move down a seat so she can have the aisle seat. I was upset but didn't want to create a scene so I moved a seat down.

As my rage at the woman subsided, I started feeling that the air was getting thicker and I wouldn't be able to breathe comfortably. I knew it was all in my head so I lowered my head and tried to get my lungs to relax.

Just when I thought everything would be ok, the woman who stole my seat took off her shoes, elevated her feet and started fanning them. Oh my god, the smell! I could have killed her.

Speaking of rude, have you noticed how rude people have become with their phones and PDAs? It's one thing to take important calls or quickly check on missed calls, but when you're out with people at a restaurant and you're texting, emailing, or checking the internet instead of tuning into your friends, then you're f*#king rude and should have stayed home.

Not long ago, I was in a meeting with two other people (a man and a woman) in which the man was presenting to us, but primarily to the other woman. A few minutes into his presentation, the woman's blackberry started vibrating. As the man continued to speak, she started replying to the email she received. He was completely rattled and I felt embarassed and angry on his behalf.

At the end of his presentation, she asked a bunch of questions she would have known the answers to had she been paying attention to the presenter instead of her damn blackberry.

I would have loved to shove her blackberry down her throat, but that would have been rude.

Happy Diwali

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Anuj

It's Kevin's Birthday!

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The Paradox of Our Time

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways but narrower viewpoints. We spend more but have less; we buy more but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge but less judgment, more experts yet more problems, more medicine but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space.

We've done larger things but not better things. We've cleaned up the air but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom but not our prejudice.

We write more but learn less. We plan more but accomplish less.

We've learned to rush but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember to give a warm hug to the one next to you because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember to say "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

Credit: Lisa

Sunset at Pigeon Point Lighthouse

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Dear Chris ...

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Thank you!

Thank you, Richard!

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It's Guy's Birthday!

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You'll Let Me In, Won't You?

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Credit: Anuj

Chris Farley Reincarnated

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Credit: Sean

Will the World's Fastest Speed Walker Run?

Credit: Anuj

I Need This!

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Credit: Feng

Great Prank

Credit: Feng

Sidewalk Art

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Credit: Lisa

Feng's Desktop Wallpaper

Check out the background image on Feng's monitor:

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Toilet Commercial

Credit: Anuj

Classic Irish Ghost Story

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This incident took place in Dublin a while ago and although it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock take, it's true according to local townspeople.

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was walking on the side of the road, hitchhiking on a dark and stormy night. The rain and fog were so severe he could only see a few feet ahead of him. There were no cars in sight and John was beginning to panic.

Suddenly, he saw headlights approaching. The car was traveling very slowly and came to a stop in front of him. Desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, John got into the car and closed the door. Only then did he realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't running.

The car started moving forward slowly. John looked at the road ahead and knew the car was approaching a sharp curve. Scared that the car would go over the embankment, John started to pray for his life. Just before the car hit the curve a hand appeared through the drivers side window and turned the wheel. John was paralyzed with fear and terror as he watched the hand repeatedly come through the window though it never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub ahead. Gathering all his strength, he opened the car door, jumped out, and ran towards the pub. Soaking wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everyone about the horrible experience he just had.

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A silence enveloped the pub when everyone realized he was crying, and wasn't drunk.

Suddenly, the pub door opened and two other people walked in to escape the stormy night. They, like John, were soaking wet and out of breath. Looking around and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other, "Look Paddy, there's that fooking idiot that got in our car while we were pushing it."

Credit: Sean