Our Home Away From Home
A couple weekends ago, we were in Mendocino yet again to scope out parcels of land to build a house on. All of them were close to the Village and had great views of the water. Here are three parcels (or at least the view from the center point) that we're considering:
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Here are the rest of the photos from our visit:
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Team Building
A few weeks back, my team at work went bowling as an exercise in team building. We had a fun time and everyone bowled well despite initial claims of being unskilled.
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Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
Don't sweat the small stuff my ass. Yesterday, I was looking over Sabine's shoulder as she browsed this web site when I noticed a thick horizontal line under the Temple of Poseidon image at the top of this page. Initially, I thought that something was broken on my site but it turned out that Internet Explorer 6 was rendering my site incorrectly. How rude!
I quickly fixed the problem with an IE hack, but I was distraught. How long had the problem been there? Feng mentioned that he had noticed the horizontal line before but thought that it was a part of the overall design, albeit a strange touch. Argh!
It seems like such a small thing, a horizontal line being displayed where there shouldn't be one, but it's the little things that bother me the most.
Fruit Fly Collection
Here's a photo of Sabine modeling a sweatshirt from Sean's Fruit Fly Collection.
Photos from Yayoi and Colin's Party
Earlier this month at Yesenia and Andy's BBQ, we met Yayoi and Colin, a charming couple who live in Vallejo. At Yayoi and Colin's party last weekend we met Joanna and Steve, a fun couple newly settled in Vacaville who, despite the distance, we hope to see again. (I regret forgetting to take their picture.)
We've met so many great people this past year. I just wish that we all lived closer to each other, or that traffic in the Bay Area wasn't so horrible.
I'm in Love
Last Friday, Feng, who sits next to me at work, hooked up his Wii system to his monitor and we played a boxing game as well as home run derby. I'm the furthest thing from a gamer, but let me just say that after two minutes of play, I was in love.
The very next day, Arnon Wii'ed for the first time at Wes' place on a 100-inch TV. Wow! Now that's gaming in style.
I now want to buy both the Wii system and a 100-inch TV. I don't think that's asking for much but Arnon said no. So cruel. How am I to survive without them?
*Sigh* ... As the saying goes, if I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor.
Keepers
I grew up in the 60s/70s with practical parents. A Mother, God love her, who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, and then reused it. She was the original Recycle queen, before they had a name for it. A Father who was happier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones.
Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, and dish-towel in the other. It was the time for fixing things. A curtain rod, the kitchen radio, a screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things we keep. It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, eating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more.
But then my mother died, and on that clear summer's night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more.
Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away ... never to return. So ... while we have it ... its best we love it ... and care for it ... and fix it when it's broken ... and heal it when it's sick.
This is true for marriage ... and old cars ... and children with bad report cards ... and dogs with bad hips ... and aging parents ... and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it. Some things we keep. Like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with.
There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special, and so, we keep them close.
Credit: Lisa
Weird History
Next time you're washing your hands and the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s.
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children -- last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."
Houses had thatched roofs -- thick straw -- piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof -- hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence the saying "dirt poor."
The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway, hence, a "thresh hold."
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite awhile. Hence the rhyme, "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Most people did not have pewter plates, but had trenchers, a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Often trenchers were made from stale bread which was so old and hard that they could be used for quite some time. Trenchers were never washed and a lot of times worms and mold got into the wood and old bread. After eating off wormy, moldy trenchers, one would get "trench mouth."
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust."
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake."
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."
And that's the truth ... (who ever said that History was boring)?
Credit: Anuj
Andy the Collector
Some years ago, Andy started buying and repairing old phones, which he would later display around his house. Every time I go over to his place, someone comments on the phone collection and I look around at the dozen or so phones around me and shrug, saying "Yep, that's Andy's passion."
But it wasn't until recently that it hit me that I hadn't been as observant as I had thought. There aren't a dozen or so phones ... there are dozens! Some of the phones have been beautifully restored and displayed and others are piled up awaiting their extreme make-over.
When I thought there were simply a dozen or so phones laying around, I thought they looked nice but didn't really think much more about it. But after seeing the true number of phones, I must admit that I'm impressed. There's something almost romantic about large collections, so long as they are well-maintained.
I always picture a quiet man, bent over his workbench, large hands tinkering with small pieces as he restores to life that which someone else had cast out as trash.
It just occurred to me that my description of a collector also fits the main character from "Sling Blade" who was locked up for committing matricide.
Anyway, I can only imagine how cool Andy's phone collection will look when all of the phones have been cleaned up and displayed together.
Andy and Yesenia's Birthday BBQ
We went to Andy and Yesenia's birthday BBQ a couple weekends ago. As we usually do at their gatherings, we ate well, drank heavily, and laughed heartily. In short, we had a great time.
Here are some photos:
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A Child's Guide to United States Foreign Policy
Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction honey.
Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.
A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.
Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.
Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass destruction, did we?
A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll find something, probably right before the 2004 election.
Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.
Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use in a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to war with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend themselves.
Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose to die if they had all those big weapons to fight us back with?
A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.
Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those weapons our government said they did.
A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.
Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country.
Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his country?
A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic competitor, where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make U.S. corporations richer.
Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?
A: Right.
Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
A: I told you, China is different.
Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China is Communist.
Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.
Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Like in Iraq?
A: Exactly.
Q: And like in China, too?
A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other hand, is not.
Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?
A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba until they stopped being communists and started being capitalists like us.
Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and started doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become capitalists?
A: Don't be a smart-ass.
Q: I didn't think I was being one.
A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.
Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a legitimate leader anyway.
Q: What's a military coup?
A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a country by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States.
Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our friend.
Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate leader?
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us invade Afghanistan.
Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men, fifteen of them Saudi Arabians, hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans.
Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of the Taliban.
Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off people's heads and hands?
A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.
Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars back in May of 2001?
A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job fighting drugs.
Q: Fighting drugs?
A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing opium poppies.
Q: How did they do such a good job?
A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban would have their hands and heads cut off.
Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands off for other reasons?
A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's hands for stealing bread.
Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?
A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not comply.
Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?
A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.
Q: What's the difference?
A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers.
Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.
A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are our friends.
Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were from Saudi Arabia.
A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.
Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.
Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very bad man.
Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan talked about?
A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call them Russians now.
Q: So the Soviets, I mean the Russians are now our friends?
A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.
Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.
Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what we want them to do?
A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.
Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.
Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our friend, temporarily.
Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked the other way, to show him we were his friend.
Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our friend?
A: Most of the time, yes.
Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an enemy?
A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.
Q: Why?
A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for America. Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a godless un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?
Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?
A: Yes.
Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him what to do.
Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because George W. Bush hears voices in his head?
A: Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.
Credit: Anuj
How Rude
I told someone that I had tinkered with a friend's iPhone recently and thought its features were slick. This person called me an iTard. How rude.
Strawberry Festival
A few days ago, we went to the Strawberry Festival at the Ramsay Park in Watsonville. I thought it would be a small affair but I was wrong. There were several dozen vendors selling all sorts of cool things, lots of food booths selling Asian and Mexican food, many carnival rides and a couple musical performance groups, and of course a lot of people. However, there were only a handful of strawberry booths.
After indulging in strawberry shortcake and strawberry funnel cake, we headed to Santa Cruz for sushi at Pink Godzilla followed by a stroll along the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk.
More than any roller coaster, I fear the Sky Glider. Although it looks like a candy necklace strung above the boardwalk, I know it's a death trap. My favorite ride is the Bulgy ride. The seats are incredibly cute, but I like it because I'm too tall for the ride.
By the way, traffic near the boardwalk is a nightmare. It took us 45 minutes to drive two and a half blocks into the parking lot. Never again.
Afterwards, we went to Downtown Santa Cruz for chocolates, coookies, and window shopping. We ended our stay in Santa Cruz with dinner at the Crepe Place, where I had my first Tunisian doughnut sprinkled with powdered sugar and accompanied by lemon dipping sauce. Heavenly.
We took the scenic route home, which took us past Pigeon Point Lighthouse in Pescadero. Arnon and I had been there before but Wes and Richard hadn't, so we stopped to take pictures. It was freezing and visibility was poor due to heavy fog, but still beautiful.
We finished off the day with potato burekas and mint tea at an Israeli cafe. It's really amazing how much we consumed that day. We definitely live to eat.
Is Anyone in Need of a Free Bagless Vacuum?
- Eureka brand
- Bagless
- Self-cleaning duster
- Washable filter
- Extra filter and band
- Usual attachments and hoses
- Less than a year old
- In perfect working condition
F Cup Cookies
Apparently, eating these F Cup Cookies from Japan redirects the fat that was intended for your ass to your breasts. Strange. More Info
Credit: Anuj
Five Important Life Lessons
First Important Lesson — The Cleaning Lady
During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one.
"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name?
I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."
I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
Second Important Lesson — Pickup in the Rain
One night, at 11:30 P.M., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him.
Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached. It read:
Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole
Third Important Lesson — Always Remember Those Who Serve
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.
"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.
"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.
"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.
By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.
"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins.
"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table.
There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
Fourth Important Lesson — The Obstacle in Our Path
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.
The peasant learned what many of us never understand: Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.
Fifth Important Lesson — Giving When it Counts
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.
I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her."
As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.
He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?"
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor. He thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.
Credit: Sean
How to Clean Your Toilet
Instructions:
Sincerely,
the Dog
Credit: Lisa
Hello Kitty Shame
Hello Kitty Armbands for Erring Cops
BANGKOK: Thai police officers who break police rules will be forced to wear hot pink armbands featuring Hello Kitty, the Japanese icon of cute, as a mark of shame, a senior officer said Monday.
Police officers caught littering, parking in a prohibited area, or arriving late - among other misdemeanors - will also be forced to stay in the division office with the deputy chief all day, said Police Col. Pongpat Chayaphan. The striking armband features Sanrio's Hello Kitty sitting atop two hearts.
"Simple warnings no longer work. This new twist is expected to make them feel guilt and shame and prevent them from repeating the offense, no matter how minor," said Pongpat, acting chief of the Crime Suppression Division in Bangkok.
"(Hello) Kitty is a cute icon for young girls. It's not something macho police officers want covering their biceps," Pongpat said.
He said police caught breaking the law will be subject the same fines and penalties as any other members of the public.
"We want to make sure that we do not condone small offenses," Pongpat said, adding that the CSD believed that getting tough on petty misdemeanors would lead to fewer cases of more serious offenses including abuse of power and mistreatment of the public by policemen.
Hello Kitty, invented by Sanrio Co. in 1974, has been popular for years with children and young women. The celebrity cat adorns everything from diamond-studded jewelry, Fender guitars and digital cameras to lunch boxes, T-shirts and stationery.
Credit: Anuj, Andrew and Andy
Unbalanced Life
It's a good thing that both Arnon and I are permanently attached to our computers and neither feels neglected.
How to Know if You're a Redneck Jedi
Clinton vs. Titanic
Similarities between the Titanic video and the Clinton grand jury testimony video:
Titanic: $9.99 on the Internet
Clinton: $9.99 on the Internet
Titanic: over 3 hours long
Clinton: over 3 hours long
Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, a subsequent catastrophe
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, a subsequent catastrophe
Titanic: villain - White Star Line
Clinton: villain - Ken Starr
Titanic: Jack is a starving artist
Clinton: Bill is a B.S. artist
Titanic: In one part, Jack enjoys a good cigar
Clinton: Ditto for Bill
Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined
Clinton: Ditto for Monica
Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit
Clinton: Let's not go there
Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry
Clinton: Monica forced to return her gifts
Titanic: Behind the scenes, Leonardo DiCaprio is wildly popular
Clinton: Behind the scenes, Bill has a 70% approval rating
Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary
Good Reads
The Asian Mystique: Dragon Ladies, Geisha Girls, & Our Fantasies of the Exotic Orient
by Sheridan Prasso
I read this book last spring and I thought I wouldn't like it because I'm generally not interested in things pertaining to Asia, but once I started I couldn't put the book down.
I've never been very sympathetic to the plight of Asians despite being Asian. After reading this book, I've come to realize that I've always looked at Asians with "white" eyes. If you read this book, you'll see what I mean.
Survival of the Sickest: A Medical Maverick Discovers Why We Need Disease
by Sharon Moalem
Question: Why?
Why do so many Europeans inherit a genetic disorder that fills their organs with iron?
Why do the great majority of people with Type 1 diabetes come from Northern Europe?
Why does malaria want us in bed but the common cold want us at work?
Why do we have so much DNA that doesn't seem to do anything?
Second question: What can we do with that?
What can we do with the idea that hemochromatosis protected people from the plague?
What can we do with the possibility that diabetes was an adaptation to the last ice age?
What does it mean for me to understand that malaria wants me laid up and the cold wants me on the move to help them each spread?
And what does it mean that we have all this genetic code that probably came from viruses and sometimes jumps around our genome?
What a fascinating book. People always talk about being lactose-intolerant, but did you know that that's the norm and that those who are lactose-tolerant are mutants?
Richistan: A Journey Through the American Wealth Boom and the Lives of the New Rich
by Robert Frank
Have you ever heard of a shadow yacht?
Apparently, the super rich have so many toys that they need a second yacht to shadow the first and it carries all of the toys, such as helicopters, submarines, jet skis, etc.
Sick.
Potential vs. Reality
A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment and asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."
The kid is puzzled but decides to ask his mother. "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"
"Don't tell your father, but yes, I would."
He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"
She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"
The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are living with two sluts."
Dummies
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting at him.
"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!"
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!"
Santa Cruz Lighthouse and Monterey Bay
As I mentioned in my June 22nd post about the Walton Lighthouse in Santa Cruz, there are actually two lighthouses in Santa Cruz but we only saw one the day we were in Santa Cruz. It wasn't until after we got home that Arnon realized that the second lighthouse is located only a couple miles away from the first.
So the following week we returned to Santa Cruz to check out the Santa Cruz Lighthouse.
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Frankly, it was as underwhelming as the first one. So we headed to Monterey so Arnon could try Alaskan king crab for the first time. Alaskan king crab is delicious, I'm sure, but I can't help but wonder if they are actually red spiders with serious growth issues from the gardens near Chernobyl.
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After lunch, I watched a bird pluck a starfish out of the water for his own lunch. I had no idea birds ate starfish. I imagine starfish tastes like hemp cord. Still, I'd rather eat hemp cord than a Chernobyl-affected garden spider.
Come-Back Lines
Man: Hey, baby, if you come home with me, I can show you a really good time.
Woman: You know what your problem is? Your mouth is writing checks that your body can't cash.
Man: I'd really like to get into your pants.
Woman: No thanks. There's already one asshole in there.
Man: Haven't we met before?
Woman: Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.
Man: So, wanna go back to my place?
Woman: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?
Man: Want to Dance?
Woman: No, thank you.
Man: Don't thank me. Thank God that somebody asked you.
Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: Female impersonator.
Man: What sign were you born under?
Woman: No Parking.
(After hearing a pick-up line)
Woman: I like your approach, now let's see your departure.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized, now fuck off.
Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number?
Woman: It's in the phone book.
Man: But I don't know your name.
Woman: That's in the phone book too.
Man: You know, I'd really love to travel to exotic places with you.
Woman: (tries to ignore him)
Man: You know what? I also love sex. What do you say to that?
Woman: Hmmm, you really love sex and travel?
Man: (nods his head, smiling)
Woman: Then go take a fuckin' hike.
Man: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? (Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?)
Woman: Je voudrais bien, mais je n'ai rien a porter. (I would love to, but I have nothing to wear.)
(A young woman is approached by a man in his 60's.)
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: For the first half of it, I probably wasn't born yet.
(A man glances back at a woman he has just passed.)
Woman: What are you looking at?
Man: I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.
Man: Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason!
Woman: Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!
Air Traffic Control Humor
A collection of funny exchanges overheard over Air Traffic Control.
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff line: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said: "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign: Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt, Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, and I didn't land."
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
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