Tobia Ziklik

Yesterday, something happened to me that I thought could never ever happen in a quiet, wide-open residential neighborhood like the one I live in … I got a parking ticket, parked in front of my own house. How rude!

The timestamp on the ticket was 6:50 am. What the hell was a cop doing driving through my street at that hour? Did he really have nothing better to do?

In case you’re curious, my car was parked close to the curb with the driver’s side next to the sidewalk. I would never do this in the city or a non-residential area, but I figured I could do as I pleased on my own street. Besides, it’s common to see cars in my neighborhood parked that way.

Anyway, the fine is $40. I’ve been parking this way for two years now so I figure I’m paying $1.67 per month for the convenience of not having to u-turn.

Moving on, when I got home from work last night, I noticed that a patch of tanbark by the front porch was piled up into a small mound. Thinking that squirrels had been there (common occurrence), I went over and used my foot to smooth out the tan bark. That’s when I discovered that a cat had taken a fat, stinky, yellow, wet dump there and had piled the tanbark on top of it. Ewwww! And that yellow poo was all over my shoe!

So yesterday was not a very good day for me. I wish I could fling yellow poo at the cop who left me the parking ticket. I also wish I could use the cop’s baton to beat the cat who took a dump in my yard.